after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
