you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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