It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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