i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
