I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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