never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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