now i know why i became what i already was.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
