another moral hangover. fuck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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