I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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