His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
