the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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