I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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