Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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