Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
