I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
