Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
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Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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