And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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