ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
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If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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50% drunk capacity currently
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?