just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
