Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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