I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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