I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
