First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pants are for mortals
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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