Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
