See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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