I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I want a musical about memes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
