You're my little dorito
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize