He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.