Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.