3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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