today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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