M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
