I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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