I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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