I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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