It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
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Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
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New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"