I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom