Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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