I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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