pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
