She said her name was "party"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
