I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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