We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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