I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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