he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive