I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my being single is dangerous.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.