No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?