The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME