Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
