Duck Duck Cougar?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Terrible idea I love it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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