I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
