Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
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Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
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It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?