Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join