Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic