so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster