Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
