My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
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it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The air taste purple.
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