In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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